Family Uniqueness

Source: Family Uniqueness

Family Uniqueness

 

 

 

 

If your family is like ours, you use colorful language in conversation. No, we don’t yell at each other or call each other obnoxious names we do however use sentence enhancers to spice up stories. I remember as a kid having friends who had extreme yelling in their homes.  I could hardly stand it! I thought they hated each other and mistook loudness as fighting. Turns out they weren’t fighting at all, just communicating. My mother never yelled at us, ever! She had a steady tone that was the scariest thing I had ever heard. That quiet steady tone left little question as to how much trouble we were in.

When my daughters were growing up I was a single mom and as anyone can imagine four women  in a house meant noise. There was always someone laughing, yelling, crying or complaining. We had plenty of noise and when they went for weekends to see their dad the quiet was deafening. It was the opposite of how I was raised. My mom always told us to act like “young ladies” which of course we did for fear of the quiet steady tone.

Families all have their distinct identity that makes them unique. Some have a religious identities, some identify with loud communication and others identify with their genetic or racial background. Still some people identify with a label. When my kids were growing up, my identity was wrapped up in being a working single mom. Of course, now they are grown and my identity went through a bit of a crisis when my youngest daughter was leaving for college.

Finding a new identity happens to everyone as they go through life’s changes. Hopefully, your authentic identity is something you share with the world.

Thou shalt not judge

 

 

I feel like a poser. I am working on my  second book about families and parenting, yet I admit that I haven’t been a perfect parent, wife, daughter, employee or even pet owner. I have made my fair share of mistakes and truthfully it hurts my heart to know I may have ever hurt anyone, especially those I love. I realize that everyone makes mistakes and while some are bigger than others it is a part of being human and it in no way makes me feel better abut myself. Most people are good and want to do the right thing, I believe anyways. I worked for several years with families whose mistakes were big enough to draw the attention of authorities. It was heartbreaking really. Most of these families knew no other way to parent then using methods that were abusive either physically, emotionally or verbally. Oftentimes they didn’t even realize their actions were abusive, a sad state for sure.

How does someone learn to change behaviors which have been part of their upbringing or even a part of their culture? I guess to know a behavior is wrong is the first step. You know, admitting you have a problem and all that business.

Here are three steps that a person can take immediately to work towards change.

1. Start each day knowing you can begin again. You can’t change the past but you sure as hell can change the future. You have the power every minute of every day to make decisions that will positively impact your life and the lives of those around you. You cannot control the actions of others, but your actions are under your control.
2. Don’t be so quick to react. Your partner, child or even a stranger can do or say something that you don’t agree with which can lead to some pretty negative emotions. In fact another person can be a full blown asshole, but that doesn’t mean you should be too. Making changes in your life may be done with or without the agreement or support of others. There is nothing more freeing than being the one who defuses a bad situation.
3. Slow down! Always rushing can effect your ability to make good decisions. Rushing leads to stress and stress leads to poor decisions making. At the first sign of stress take a moment to stop what you are doing a take 3 deep breaths. Deep breathing creates calming at the cellular level, which in turn allows you to think more clearly.

parent style

 

How would you define your style of parenting? Kind? Firm? Calm? Do you just wing it day by day? I remember when my kids were young and I would just hope for the best most days. I never knew what was going to happen. Were we going to have money to pay the bills or were the kids going to have a tantrum in the grocery store? I was stressed often but in spite of everything, my kids turned into nice people and good citizens. whew!

Parenting style is something that people learn as a accumulation of all life experiences. Whether good or bad, how we handle past experience will determine parenting styles. I think as my kids were growing up my style changed. I went through different stages during different ages and of course each child has their own unique personality. I don’t think there can be a wrong parenting style as long as the style is done with love. Many parents fear parenting. Truthfully, it’s scary. Fear of judgement by other parents or even those who aren’t parents. Worrying you might do it wrong and scar your child for life. These are legitimate worries however, we can’t go around worrying about what others think of us, or our kids. You know in your heart if your right. Your kids will appreciate the love even if they don’t show it. Parenting is one of those things that  won’t yield a reward for many years to come.

Bad grammar

  

Hello universe, are you there? It’s me Lola

For numerous reasons, I haven’t been on this blog for a while. My writing has come into question, specifically my grammar. True, I suck at grammar, but I’ve decided to just work on it and move on. While questioning my path I asked the universe what the heck is going on? I want to write, but I’m not even sure anymore what to write? I published a book, but sales are slow (which is an understatement). I woke during the night last night and felt I needed to write in this blog.

While asking the universe what is going on, I also inquired as to what my purpose is on this earth. Surely, we are all here to contribute to the betterment of mankind, right? I work in billing and truthfully, it lacks that fulfillment we all seek. I’m studying psychology, with only a  year and a half to my degree. I really just want to write. That’s it, write, run, yoga and hang with my people!

I’ve decided that I will work on just spreading love, kindness, and laughter and see if the universe shows me the way. Love and kindness seem simple and for the most part it is, but sometimes I find myself engaging in judgment and gossip. It’s a work in progress I guess, so to whoever decides to read this I send you love and kindness and laughter!

Thank you for stopping by!

Lola

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The Super Sime Guide to CPS

my book is ready to share. For those whose communication is blocked between social worker and family.

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Different is better